I am using John Wesley’s Holy Club examen questions to examine my own life.

1) Am I consciously or unconsciously creating the impression that I am better than I really am? In other words, am I a hypocrite?

I cannot even imagine ending my day with such a question. Isn’t the answer always ‘yes’. I don’t like to think of myself as a hypocrite. Few things offend me more. At the same time, I wear a public persona that conflicts with what’s happening deep down. Who has the time and luxury to be completely open?

It’s probably a wise choice to keep some of my darker thoughts to myself. They are often the product of fear, insecurity or selfishness. Most of my fears are irrational. Much of my selfishness in unconscious. We live with a lot of automated responses to the world around us. Automated by habit, custom, and a myriad other forces. It is the conscious mind that identifies the falsehoods within us. With examination and study of virtues and vices, we can curtail our irrational impulses and replace them with genuine good.

So have I done that today? At times: I passed on some belated holiday gifts. I got a bit more honest with a colleague to rein in a matter that has been lingering since last year. I made my resolution check-lists and when I hit publish on this, will be able to check off another.

So…I’m still a hypocrite…but a little better than I used to be.